Cake of Thrones

I remind myself constantly that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. When trying to figure out word problems for algebra, the only questions I ever understood right away were the ones that asked you to figure out how much time kids walking home would save if they cut across someone’s lawn instead of going all the way around it, thus walking along the hypotenuse of a right triangle. The straight line (C²) is always quicker. And on a related note, simplicity is often beautiful and elegant.

I rarely walk on the hypotenuse unless I’m crossing a parking lot. And simplicity is not my strong suit, though I do often aim for it. For example, we were watching Game of Thrones the other night and although my sister scoffs at me because she thinks I have no idea what’s going on because I haven’t read the books (neither has she), I do, in fact, know that Jon Stark’s new girlfriend is very annoying, that Theon Greyjoy’s torture is becoming tiresome (and what’s more, my sister has no idea why he’s being tortured or who the torturer is), we don’t see nearly enough of Daenerys and her dragons (who, let’s be honest, do look a tiny bit like Jurassic Park prototypes) because listening to her makes me want to command all the Unsullied in my own life, Sansa Stark deserves what she gets, Stannis Baratheon—who cares!, there aren’t enough scenes with Peter Dinklage, Robb and Catelyn Stark need to liven up their wardrobes, I’m growing weary of waiting for Joffrey to get his comeuppance, Jaime Lannister has one hand (and we now call my sister, who is a destroyer of dishtowels,  the “Towel Slayer”), every time they talk about or climb The Wall, I start thinking of Pink Floyd, and everyone from Winterfell looks the same. And that’s just for starters. So I am following along. But midway through Sunday’s episode, just as Tywin Lannister was dicing up his nutbar grandson with his rapier-like sarcasm, I looked at the Iron Throne and thought…hey, I wonder if I could make that out of cake.

No sooner was the thought in my head than I started despairing because it’s a challenge—not simple in any way—and it’s one that will now bother me until I attempt it. (It didn’t help that the rest of the people in my house sniffed at the idea, as if I wouldn’t be able to pull it off and if there’s anything that makes me walk all around the triangle, it’s when someone thinks I can’t.) Of course there’s no actual occasion for this as-yet theoretical cake. It would just be cool. And anything but simple. (Though probably easier than reading the books at this point.)

But I have a graduation cake to make for Friday and I haven’t even made the marzipan let alone tinted it. I also have actual work that involves writing and editing. Oh yes, that.

So I made an interim cake—something simple and foolproof. And so delicious. It’s my sour cream swirl coffee cake, variations on which can be found everywhere. I made it in one of my three—no, four if you count the small ones—Bundt pans because the Bundt part is an important part of this equation and added a little extra sour cream and a bit more cocoa powder in the swirl for extra richness. And it turned out very nicely.

But it’s no Iron Throne. Maybe someone will ask me to make it for a special occasion or for a Game of Thrones aficionado and then I’ll have an excuse to start thinking about swords made out of chocolate. Until then, I’ll try to keep it simple. 

Chocolate Swirl Coffee Cake

Ingredients:

2 cups flour

½ teaspoon baking powder

½ teaspoon baking soda

½ teaspoon salt

1 cup butter at room temperature

1 ¾ cups granulated sugar

2 “eggs” (I don’t use eggs, I use EnerG EggReplacer)

1 ½ teaspoon vanilla extract

1 (generous) cup sour cream

¾ cup chopped nuts (I usually go for pecans but walnuts work too)

2 tablespoons light brown sugar

2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

Method:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Grease a 10-inch Bundt or tube pan

Sift flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt together in a bowl.

Beat the butter in a large bowl or mixer on high speed until pale. Add sugar and beat at least 3 minutes until fluffy and light. Slowly beat in the “eggs” or eggs, then the vanilla.

In another bowl, combine the brown sugar, cocoa powder, and cinnamon. Add the nuts and stir to coat and combine.

Spread about a third of the batter in the pan and sprinkle it with half the nut mixture. Add another third of the batter on top of that and sprinkle on the remaining nut mixture. Spread on the last of the batter and smooth out.

Bake for about 60-70 minutes, until a wooden skewer comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes on a wire rack and then invert onto a serving platter. When completely cooled, sift powdered sugar on top.